how i'm feeling now by Charli xcx // 5 Year Anniversary Album Review

While the pandemic era saw a wave of music born from isolation and uncertainty, Charli xcx's how i'm feeling now remains one of the most innovative, immersive and deeply personal projects to emerge from that time. Charli embraced a fully DIY approach over the course of five weeks, turning this forced isolation into a unique opportunity to produce an album entirely from home while documenting every step of the process in real time through social media. "The nature of this album is going to be very indicative of the times just because I'm only going to be able to use the tools I have at my fingertips to create all music, artwork, videos everything," Charli revealed in a public Zoom call with fans in 2020.

From pitching the idea to her label, to writing, producing, conceptualizing, filming music videos and creating album artwork, Charli shared all of the ups and downs through social media, offering fans a unique look into the process behind making an album. This album rollout also introduced a new way to create interactive and connective experiences with music in a time that was very distant and untraditional in many regards. It is also a testament to the power of online community and all of the ways it has transformed the ways in which we create and interact with each other.

"The reason I documented my process when recording my album with honesty and openness was because I know we are all going through the same thing right now. I knew there would be a large number of people that would be able to relate to the things that I was saying and my message," Charli said in an interview with Russh. "I am sure that we all had times of feeling lonely, uncertain of the future as well as just confused about what’s next. I just knew I had to document this and show everyone that we are all in it together."

It now serves as both a time capsule of the early pandemic and a body of work that has absolutely transcended its origins, proving its lasting significance beyond the very specific time in history we were living through then. More than just a fan-favorite, how i'm feeling now has continued to resonate on a deeper level. Now, five years later, it has experienced a major resurgence, with its raw, emotionally charged energy finding new audiences and reaffirming its place as one of Charli's most enduring and innovative projects.

She recorded the entire album at home, collaborating remotely with her producers and friends. Her primary collaborator, A.G. Cook, played a key role in shaping the sound, as he has throughout much of her career. They put aside a partially finished album they had been working on prior to create something more reflective of the moment the world was experiencing at the time. how i'm feeling now blends traditional pop melodies with industrial influences, a signature approach that Charli and A.G. have perfected over the years, helping define a new lane in music with their distinctive hyper pop sound.

With Charli living in Los Angeles and A.G. temporarily living in Montana during the early days of the pandemic, the two had to take a new approach to collaboration. This was their first time working together remotely at such a scale, with distance posing a significant challenge initially. "It made us work in a brutally honest way," A.G. said in an interview with Variety. "The deadline for that album was sort of ridiculous, and at the beginning, the Internet we had in Montana was really bad. So all that was really stressful - I would have to set and leave my laptop for a few hours at the beginning of every day to download gigabytes of files from all these different coproducers." He added that "...those funny technical limitations made us work at a brutal and fast and fun sort of way, even though it was stressful."

Despite those initial challenges, she remained committed to capturing a genuine snapshot of that point in her life. A.G. added, "I think she wanted it to be a really true snapshot of a very short amount of time, so she was filming herself while writing the lyrics while recording vocals while livestreaming." He continued, "But it feels in keeping with the whole ethos of it, and there's a sort of element of method-acting with her, and when she's in the zone it all comes together in one impressive piece, in one go. It's pretty amazing to watch, which I think people got a sense of from the livestream."

The album opens with "pink diamond", which is a bold and abrasive hyper pop quarantine time capsule that perfectly captured the restless desire of wanting to go out while we were stuck inside. The distorted and chaotic production was truly the perfect soundtrack to what so many were going through and set the tone for the intense journey the rest of the how i'm feeling now takes the listener on. "I always like pairing really silly, sugary imagery with things that sound quite evil. It then became a song about video chatting, this idea that you're wanting to go out and party and be sexy, but you're stuck at home on video chat," Charli said in an interview with Apple Music. "I wanted it as the first track because I'm into the idea that some people will love it and some people will hate it. I think it's nice to be antagonistic on track one of an album and really frustrate certain people, but make others really obsessive about what might come next."

This intentionally polarizing approach has always been a defining characteristic of Charli's artistry. She thrives on challenging listeners, pushing boundaries, and crafting music that feels both chaotic and deeply emotional at the same time. Many of the themes introduced in "pink diamond" are mirrored later in the album on the explosive "anthems", which is a track that serves as the project's thesis statement. It encapsulates the longing to return to normalcy during a very abnormal time, channeling that frustration into something cathartic. "I want anthems, late nights, my friends, New York," she sings in the explosive chorus, "Finally, when it's over, we might be even closer".

The verses of "anthems" also capture the very specific, but universally felt experiences and emotions so many were going through during this time. With days blending together, feeling isolated, and overall feelings of existential dread, to be able to look back at a song like this years later it serves as such a powerful and fully accurate snapshot of that moment in time. It is such a raw reflection of the emotional toll of being stuck inside. "Wake up late, eat some cereal, try my best to be physical, lose myself in a TV show, staring out to oblivion, all my friends are invisible," she sings in the first verse. "I might cry like a waterfall, I feel afraid when I feel alone".

While much of how i'm feeling now captures the anxious energy of isolation, much of the album also serves as sweet and romantic odes to her boyfriend at the time as well. "I will always love you, I'll love you forever, even when we're not together, I will always love you," she sings in the chorus of "forever". Similarly, in the following track "claws", she leans further into this joyful infatuation, repeatedly singing, "I like, I like, I like, I like, I like everything about you". These songs strip away any cynicism, opting instead for an unapologetically sweet and honest portrayal of love. "7 years" is another track dedicated to him, written as a retrospective of their relationship. "So hard, things that we've been through, could've fallen, but we only grew, so I made my house a home with you, I'm right here and it feels brand new," she sings.

"My romantic life has had a full rebirth," she added in her interview with Apple Music, when talking about the meaning behind "forever", which is something that much of this album is based around. "I knew it needed to be this joyous, carefree honeymoon-period song. When you're just so fascinated and adoring of someone, everything feels like this huge rush of emotion. almost like you're in a movie. I think it's been nice for my boyfriend to see that I can write positive and happy songs about us. Because the majority of the songs in the past have been sad, heartbreaking ones. It's also really made him understand my level of work addiction and the stress I can put myself under."

"I felt like I rediscovered myself, my sanity, my sense of connection with the world, at a time where we were all so alone. To create with all of you helped me feel ok," Charli wrote on Instagram alongside the five year anniversary of the album. "It was all of us at our most raw, our most stripped, our most vulnerable."

how i'm feeling now is both a unique snapshot into the moment in history we were living through at the time, while also being a body of work that has managed to transcend the original origins of which it was written. It has always been a fan-favorite in Charli's discography, but in early 2025, this record saw a major resurgence with the ninth track "party 4 u" suddenly going viral and quickly becoming one of the highest streamed songs of her entire career. It couldn't have happened with a better track either, as it truly is one of the greatest hidden gems in her entire discography. It's resurgence is yet another testament to how ahead of her time Charli has always been, with her unique ability to make music that feel so fresh years after its release.

This current era of Charli's career has been incredible to witness, as we're now seeing in real-time many rediscover her work and breathe new life into it in a way like never before. It's also perfectly aligned with the ethos of how i'm feeling now, a project created to emphasize the power of online communities to take something and make it their own, free from outside interference.

While much of the album was completely crafted during the early weeks of the pandemic, "party 4 u" had a much longer history by that point. Charli said in an interview with Apple Music, "This is the oldest song on the album. For myself and A. G., this song has so much life and story," Charli said. "We had played it live in Tokyo and somehow it got out and became this fan favorite. Every time we get together to make an album or a mixtape, it's always considered, but it had never felt right before now." The entire album is so raw and so romantic, but "party 4 u" is among the most representative of those feelings.

It is a euphoric anthem of unrequited love, a song full of glittering synths and raw emotion. She sings about throwing an entire party with the hopes that just the one person she wants to see the most will be there. It is also a very existential song, with so much yearning and sadness intertwined with the narrative, which really reflected the time of which it was officially released in 2020. During a period of time when everyone had to be socially distanced, the idea of parties, concerts, and big gatherings in general never felt possible again, this song really captured our collective yearning for normalcy and togetherness. "party 4 u" even features audio from the crowd of her 2019 Brixton Academy show, to further represent those feelings.

I love the specificity and depth of which she wrote this song, especially the first verse, "1000 pink balloons, DJ with your favorite tunes, birthday cake in August, but you were born 19th of June," she sings.

"As small and silly as it sounds, it's the time to give something back. Lyrically, it also makes some sense now as it's about throwing a party for someone who doesn't come—the yearning to see someone but they're not there," Charli continued in her interview with Apple Music. "The song has literally grown—we recorded the first part in maybe 2017, there are crowd samples now in the song from the end of my Brixton Academy show in 2019 and now there are recordings of me at home during this period. It's gone on a journey. It kept on being requested and requested, which made me hesitant to put it out because I like the mythology around certain songs. It's fun. It gives these songs more life—maybe even more than if I'd actually released them officially. It continues to build this non-existent hype, which is quite funny and also definitely part of my narrative as an artist. I've suffered a lot of leaks and hacks, so I like playing with that narrative a little bit."

Charli also wrote a brand-new second verse in 2020 - which ended up being one of the most iconic moments of the song. "You could watch me pull up on your body like it's summer, take my clothes off in the water, splash around and get you blessed like holy water," Charli sings in a very rapid-fire style. The distinct production and vocal performance makes "party 4 u" among the most memorable in Charli's discography. The fast-paced way she sings that part of the song is very reminiscent of "Sweet Escape" by Gwen Stefani, which is another one of the best songs ever. "I don't know what you were waiting for, you know that I've been waiting for you, I only threw this party for you", Charli sings.

It's incredible to see one of her fan-favorite projects evolve into one of the most popular and resonant works of her career, proving that some tracks only grow stronger and more relevant as time goes on. There are so many other songs in her discography that deserve the "party 4 u" treatment, especially just from this album alone. "visions" and "detonate" both feel like the next big sleeper hit waiting to happen, and I wouldn't be surprised if it one day follows a similar trajectory.

"party 4 u" has aged so beautifully, gaining a new wave of appreciation in the post-BRAT summer renaissance. Also in the wake of this new era of her career, a song like this feels more relevant than ever and really does hold a new meaning that goes so much deeper than the initial intentions behind it. Alongside the five year anniversary of this album, she released the long-awaited music video for the song, which further proves just how timeless and impactful "party 4 u" is and always has been. The visuals serve as a stunning reflection of the song's emotional depth and the lasting message it embodies in so many ways.

how i'm feeling now has proven to be one of the most enduring projects in Charli's discography. It is a beautifully unfiltered expression of longing, isolation, and escapism, in a way that continues to feel more relevant today. The themes of pining for connection in uncertain times have truly transcended their original context, with the music continuing to further evolve in the years following its release.