Punisher by Phoebe Bridgers // 5 Year Anniversary Album Review
Punisher, Phoebe Bridgers' 2020 sophomore album, is a stunning example of lyrical precision and expansive, atmospheric world-building. It offers a deeply moving, hyper-specific glimpse into her mind, one that explores the emotional push and pull of wanting to escape the life she leads while also longing to remain in the comfort of familiarity. Each song is personal, intimate, and rich in specificity.
With this record, she solidified her space as one of the most important storytellers of this generation. Phoebe's songwriting is uniquely specific in the way that it is conversational and diaristic, while also being able to capture the universal moments and emotions that are often impossible to articulate in such an impactful way. Punisher is filled with some of my favorite lyrics ever written - "I wish I wrote it, but I didn't, so I learn the words" is very much the feeling I have every single time I hear this album. Each song on this album has so many really powerful lyrical moments, often ones that are so subtle and stop me in my tracks every time. The overall haunting and melancholic tone of this record is one of the most captivating and connective pieces of music released in recent years. She was able to beautifully capture the quiet introspection and ache of uncertainty, longing and isolation in such a comforting way.
This was also a very collaborative project, with contributions from some of Phoebe's close friends and longtime creative partners featuring throughout. Marshall Vore, her frequent collaborator and band's drummer, along with songwriter Christian Lee Hutson, worked closely with her throughout the majority of Punisher. She also reunited with her boygenius bandmates, Lucy Dacus and Julien Baker, on "Graceland Too" and "I Know The End", providing gorgeous harmonies to close out the record. Her collaborator on Better Oblivion Community Center, Conor Oberst, features throughout too. Phoebe's tour manager, Jeroen Vrijhoef, makes a memorable appearance on "Garden Song", a feature that unexpectedly came about while on tour. In an interview with Zane Lowe for Apple Music, Phoebe recalled the moment that she "... realized he had the voice of an angel when he was singing Mitski with me in the van and he was two octaves below me and I was like 'You sound like a Dutch Matt Berninger from The National.'"
Much of this album was created while she was touring her 2017 debut album, Stranger In The Alps, with many of the earliest versions of these songs actually even predating that release. In an interview with DORK, Phoebe described her mindset at the time, "When I'm on tour, I want to be at home, and when I'm at home, I'm dying to be on tour". That sense of emotional restlessness and contradictory feelings of never being fully satisfied with oneself particularly inspired the writing of "Kyoto", but the echoes of that sentiment are present throughout the rest of Punisher as well.
For an album that Phoebe once described in an interview with DORK as "sorta about the end of the world," Punisher ended up being released at a time that made that sentiment feel more relevant than ever. Although this album was completed before the pandemic hit, its release in early summer 2020 ended up becoming the perfect soundtrack for that surreal and uncertain time. Arriving alongside the height of a global health crisis and rising political unrest in the United States, Punisher ended up being this very timely release and a sign of the times in a lot of ways, without ever necessarily intending to be. The underlying feelings of existential dread that runs throughout this record made many listeners feel deeply seen and understood in a way that was so desperately needed in the world at the time. It offered an escape into the world that Phoebe built so vividly within these songs, one that is familiar and oddly comforting within the daily chaos that was consuming everyone during lockdown. It held up a mirror to our collective grief, isolation, and desire to live in a world that wasn't unraveling before our eyes, while still being deeply personal and rooted in her own journey completely removed from those circumstances. It was one of the last major records created in the pre-COVID world, but the way it was experienced and consumed by many during that summer forever tied it to the emotional landscape of that year.
In an interview with Zane Lowe for Apple Music, Phoebe described the song as being about dreams and manifestation, how both the good and the bad in our thoughts can shape our reality. She explained, "If you're afraid of something all the time, you're going to look for proof that it happened or that it's going to happen...But if you're someone who believes that good people are doing amazing things no matter how small, and that there's beauty or whatever in the midst of all the darkness, you're going to see that proof, too." She continued, "And you're going to ignore the dark shit, or see it and it doesn't really affect your worldview. It's about fighting back dark, evil murder thoughts and feeling like if I really want something, it happens, or it comes true in a totally weird, different way than I even expected."
The continuous inner battle between being fully present and feeling disconnected, or optimistic and uneasy all at once, is powerfully reflected in the lyrics of "Garden Song". There is a beauty in the way she sets the mood, with a certain surreal element to it too. The lyric, "Everything's growing in our garden, you don't have to know that it’s haunted" paints a vivid portrait of the overall album aesthetic, which has a dreamy, delicate and slightly unsettling quality to it.
The understated symbol of emotional growth that this song represents is also incredibly moving as well, one that feels like its bridging the gap between where Stranger In The Alps left off three years prior. "The doctor put her hands over my liver, she told me my resentment's getting smaller" particularly stands out as one of my favorite lyrics of the entire album.
Following the quiet and introspective opening note that Punisher starts with, the album then shifts into something sonically brighter, but somehow even heavier emotionally with "Kyoto". This song delves into deeply personal reflections on her complicated relationship with her father, as well as dealing with her own imposter syndrome while on the road. The verses are made up of retellings of very specific and exact moments throughout her life, some more current to the time of which it was written while on tour, while others look back on childhood memories with her brother.
"Day off in Kyoto, got bored at the temple, looked around at the 7-Eleven, the band took the speed train, went to the arcade, I wanted to go, but I didn't," she sings in the very stream-of-consciousness and conversational first verse. "You called me from a payphone, they still got payphones, it cost a dollar a minute, to tell me you're getting sober and you wrote me a letter, but I don't have to read it".
She grapples with her own inner resentment and feelings of self-doubt in a way that is equally compassionate and guarded. The line "I don't forgive you, but please don't hold me to it" holds such an honesty that feels both raw and uncertain, like she's still figuring out where she stands in real time as she's writing through it. "I wanted to see the world through your eyes until it happened, then I changed my mind" cuts even deeper as she processes the pain and guilt that comes with the longing to let go. The vibrant arrangement, paired with these unfiltered inner musings perfectly reflect the duality of the conflicting feelings that she is trying to internally sort through within the process of making a song like this.
The album's title track "Punisher" serves as a tribute to one of Phoebe's musical heroes, Elliott Smith. Over the years she has been very vocal about the influence his music has had on her life, and this song is her way of imagining what would have happened if they ever met, if he were still alive today. "We would have lived less than a mile away from each other if he were alive right now, and now I know tons of his friends and have worked in studios that he's worked in, and he just would've been around in such a heavy way, and I know his whole discography, I've read every book about him ever. So, the song is just kind of examining how it's impossible to have a normal relationship with someone that you grew up with as, like, an idol."
"And here, everyone knows you're the way to my heart," she sings in the second verse. "Hear so many stories of you at the bar, most times, alone, and some, looking your worst, but never not sweet to the trust funds and punishers"
She uses the term "punisher" as slang for an overly-enthusiastic fan that doesn't pick up on social cues, which is ironic considering her own experiences with parasocial fandom as a musician, but also self-aware at the same time. The song explores that strange intimacy we feel with the artists who shape us and how they become part of our lives in such a prominent way, even if we don't actually know them. "What if I told you, I feel like I know you? But we never met," she sings, capturing that eerie closeness with someone who shaped so much of who you are, but exists only through their art.
"Chinese Satellite" is such a deeply moving and singular piece of songwriting, there is truly nothing else like it. She sings about the ache of so badly wanting to believe in something greater, and the emptiness that comes when belief doesn't come easily. "Took a tour to see the stars but they weren't out tonight, so I wished hard on a Chinese satellite," she sings in the chorus. "I want to believe, instead, I look at the sky and I feel nothing, you know I hate to be alone, I want to be wrong".
It reminds me of songs like The 1975's "If I Believe You" or even Phoebe's own 2020 collaboration with them on "Jesus Christ 2005 God Bless America", which was actually the first time I ever heard her voice. Those three songs are all deeply existential and really captures the feeling of spiritual disconnection in such a poignant way that I never really heard described in such a way before. Like those tracks, "Chinese Satellite" speaks to both people who believe in religion and those who wish they could. Time and time again on Punisher, Phoebe finds a way to capture these very specific and complex topics in a way that feels so comforting and connective.
I am always struck by the lyric, "But you know I'd stand on the corner, embarrassed with a picket sign, if it meant I would see you when I die", which is one of the most vulnerable admissions on the entire album. The willingness to believe in something, anything, if it means holding onto a connection forever is such a powerful expression of love.
In an interview with Apple Music, Phoebe opened up about the creation of this song and her own journey with faith, "If I'm being honest, this song is about turning 11 and not getting a letter from Hogwarts, just realizing that nobody's going to save me from my life, nobody's going to wake me up and be like, 'Hey, just kidding. Actually, it's really a lot more special than this, and you're special.' No, I’m going to be the way that I am forever. I mean, secretly, I am still waiting on that letter, which is also that part of the song, that I want someone to shake me awake in the middle of the night and be like, 'Come with me. It's actually totally different than you ever thought.' That'd be sweet."
The midpoint of Punisher brings a number of quiet, reflective moments that continue to deepen the album's most prominent themes of emotional disconnect and longing for a love that is reciprocated. On "Halloween", Phoebe captures the desire for subtle intimacies and escapism, even if just for one night. "Baby, it's Halloween and we can be anything," she sings. The heartbreaking feeling of mourning a moment or a chapter of life that hasn't even ended yet is also simply, yet so heartbreakingly described as she sings, "there's a last time for everything".
"Moon Song" continues this emotional process of so badly wanting to be loved and accepted by someone that you're willing to sacrifice anything to have their approval, even if that means losing a piece of yourself in the process. She described the feeling of wanting to be treated badly, because at least you're being treated at all. "I feel complex about every single person I've ever cared about, and I think that's pretty clear. The through line is that caring about someone who hates themselves is really hard, because they feel like you're stupid," Phoebe said in an interview with Apple Music. "And you feel stupid. Like, if you complain, then they'll go away. So you don't complain and you just bottle it up and you’re like, 'No, step on me again, please.' It’s that feeling, the wanting-to-be-stepped-on feeling."
This dynamic plays out in some of the rawest and most emotionally exposed lyrics of the entire album. "And if I could give you the moon, I would give you the moon" is one of my favorite lyrics she has ever written. It is such a powerful and understated notion as she conveys her willingness to offer the impossible for someone who will never be able to match that same level of unconditional love. "You couldn't have, you couldn't have stuck your tongue down the throat of somebody who loves you more, so I will wait for the next time you want me like a dog with a bird at your door," has such a strong emotional sincerity and ache to the way she says those words. The simultaneous rejection and loyalty is so heartbreakingly portrayed.
The final verse brings the album to such a strong climax as she sings, "You are sick and you're married and you might be dying, but you're holding me like water in your hands, when you saw the dead little bird, you started crying, but you know the killer doesn't understand". The fragility of this love and the disconnect between them is so devastatingly depicted with that metaphor. Everything she has been bottling up finally reaches a boiling point, making these feelings she has been trying to push aside impossible for her to ignore.
"Savoir Complex" feels very emotionally linked to "Moon Song" in a lot of ways. In an interview with Apple Music, Phoebe described this song as thematic sequel to it, "It's like when you get what you asked for and then you’re dating someone who hates themselves," she said. The delicate string arrangement is so gorgeous and really serves as the perfect sonic backdrop to the lyrical weight of this song. "All the skeletons that you hide, show me yours, I'll show you mine", she sings.
"It’s about my breakup with my drummer," Phoebe said in a 2020 interview with Rolling Stone. "We dated for a few years, made music every day, and were extremely codependent. We became like family to each other, so our breakup was extremely tough. But if this tells you anything about our relationship, we wrote this song together, just like everything else." That history that they share, both romantically and artistically, runs throughout this song as they both try to navigate their complicated feelings around the aftermath of it.
One of the most evocative lyrics of the entire album is, "If you're a work of art, I'm standing too close, I can see the brush strokes". It is such a profound way to describe the closeness that comes with knowing someone so well that you see every detail and all of their complexities in such an intimate way. There's a certain clarity that comes with that, but at the expense of losing the romanticism of their idealized selves. Once the illusion fades, and all that's left is reality in its most vulnerable, unfiltered form.
"Graceland Too" is a soft folk ballad that feels like a moment of breath near the end of Punisher, a quiet ode to friendship, freedom, and the complicated beauty of life. It also feels like a love song, not really in the traditional romantic sense necessarily, but one that encapsulates the feeling of unconditionally caring so deeply for someone. She reunited with her boygenius bandmates, Lucy Dacus and Julien Baker, whose harmonies sound so stunning and add such depth and warmth to the song.
The lyrics tell the story of a woman on the edge of something, this "rebel without a clue" no longer wants to be held back by her past and finally found the courage to allow herself freedom in life. "Said she knows she lived through it to get to this moment," Phoebe sings. The overall sentiment to have the willingness to move forward without a clear destination, is especially a prominent theme throughout the final two songs on Punisher.
"She can do anything she wants to, she can do whatever she wants to do, she could go home, but she's not going to," Phoebe sings in the chorus. "So she picks a direction, it's ninety to Memphis, turns up the music so thoughts don't intrude, predictably winds up thinking of Elvis and wonders if he believed songs could come true".
The tension of this song keeps building throughout, as she depicts this rising sense of urgency and need to escape. The imagery begins to feel more surreal as the song progresses, almost like an apocalyptic Wizard of Oz-esque middle America dreamscape that is starting to unravel. "So, I gotta go, I know, I know, I know, when the sirens sound, you'll hide under the floor, but I'm not gonna go down with my hometown in a tornado, she sings. "I'm gonna chase it, I know, I know, I know, I gotta go now, I know, I know, I know".
The third verse is such a masterpiece and builds up to an explosive ending that feels like a culmination of all that she held in this entire album. It is drenched in Americana imagery, but again in a very warped and apocalyptic way. "Windows down, scream along to some America First rap-country song, a slaughterhouse, an outlet mall, slot machines, fear of God, windows down, heater on, big bolt of lightning hanging low," she sings. It's an intense portrait of a country in decline, with the world ending around her. Released in 2020, "I Know The End" unintentionally became a time capsule for a point in history that really did feel like the world was about to end at any moment, not even just because of the pandemic, but because of the political, social and emotional chaos that defined that entire year (and beyond). She vividly captured that distinct sense of disillusionment that many have continued to feel since that time.
"Over the coast, everyone's convinced, it's a government drone or an alien spaceship, Either way, we're not alone, I'll find a new place to be from, a haunted house with a picket fence, to float around and ghost my friends," she continues to sing in the second half of the song. "No, I'm not afraid to disappear, the billboard said 'The End Is Near', I turned around, there was nothing there, yeah, I guess the end is here".
In the final moments of the album, she finally releases everything she's been holding back with such a cathartic, unfiltered scream to close the record. "This is a bunch of things I had on my to-do list: I wanted to scream; I wanted to have a metal song; I wanted to write about driving up the coast to Northern California, which I've done a lot in my life," Phoebe said in an interview with Apple Music. "It's like a super specific feeling. This is such a stoned thought, but it feels kind of like purgatory to me, doing that drive, just because I have done it at every stage of my life, so I get thrown into this time that doesn't exist when I’m doing it, like I can't differentiate any of the times in my memory. I guess I always pictured that during the apocalypse, I would escape to an endless drive up north." It feels like such a natural culmination of all the anxiety, grief, and dread that defined so much of Punisher in a way that ends this record in such a bold and definitive way.
Punisher continues to remain a defining record of its time, both for the personal story that it captures for Phoebe as an artist, and for what it unintentionally came to represent in the years following its release. It's an album whose legacy is partly shaped by a specific moment in history, yet it somehow becomes more timeless and impactful with each passing year and reveals more with each listen.
Thanks for reading! I have written about Phoebe Bridgers' music many times, all of which are linked below and more coming soon!
Photo Credit: Olof Grind, Phoebe Bridgers, Dead Oceans
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